Harry Potter and Order a Round for the Phoneix
by Pandamic
Summary: Man, it's getting harder and harder to write these. But here we go, the fifth installment. Harry and them are back...like freakin always this time things take a darker turn...


IMPORTANT: In order to avoid being sued by very powerful lawyers, for I am a mere mortal, I do not own Harry Potter, the stories, the characters that are in the books or the idea behind them

IMPORTANT: In order to avoid being sued by very powerful lawyers, for I am a mere mortal, I do not own Harry Potter, the stories, the characters that are in the books or the idea behind them. I am merely a parody writer who is taking his free time to write a non profit fun story nor do I even hold stock in the real Harry Potter stories. All credit goes to the Author, J.K. Rowling. So now you can't sue me! Neh Neh!

5 IMPORTANT WARNINGS:

Warning: This story is rated Mature. Do not continue reading if you are easily offended by curse words, substitute curse words, sexual themes, innuendoes, excessive violence, drugs, drug use and descriptive violence. Also, I have not changed many of the main character's names due to the fact that I'm tired of corny "Harry Pothead" jokes. If a character's name is changed, that is because that is a new character. Ex: Dumbledork.

Second Warning: Do not continue reading if you are a hardcore Harry Potter fan and believe that he is real (not Daniel Radcliff but the character he portrays; Harry Potter). Do not continue if you don't like people poking fun at Harry Potter or any other character, or the world of Magic.

Third Warning: Do not continue reading if you are the type of person who believes that the poster on your wall of Harry Potter speaks to you at night and tells you to burn things.

Fourth Warning: Do not continue reading if you don't have an imagination or a sense of humor. Do not continue reading if you have a life.

Fifth and final warning: Do not continue if you are the type of person who believes that a person should follow the book, exactly how it is, because I certainly don't.

Rating: Mature; 18 years old and up.

Reasons: Excessive violence, low level curse words, drugs, alcohol and some sexual themes.

Prologue thingy:

Harry is looking up at the clouds. Watching them float by, wishing that he could be like the clouds; white, fluffy, and floaty. Laying in aunt Petunia's rose bushes, Harry can feel the thorns dig into his arm. But he doesn't care. It has been a long and boring summer for young Harry Potter. Not being able to use his magic or do any fun activity. The worst part about it is that he hasn't heard from any of his friends, Ron and Hermoine. Harry wasn't aloud to be in the house that day, something about being nasty and smelly. Harry let out a silent blast of gas at the thought of this. The rose bushes he was laying in was right under the living room window. From his spot, Harry could hear the television and be able to peek in to see what was on the news. Harry's been waiting to hear anything on the news dealing with super natural things. Lately, Harry has heard about the sudden tornadoes in England, abdominal snow men attacks in Iraq, and a Brave Heart recreation done by leprechauns and koalas. Seemed like it was going to be another annoying day.

Chapter 1: Finally, Something!

Suddenly, Harry could hear the reporter mentioning breaking news. Harry stood up so fast that his head collided with the window sill. The concrete window sill cracked from the impact of Harry's head. As Harry's head collided with the window sill, his jaw was slammed shut right on his tongue, instantly slicing it off. Harry had no time to waste with fixing his tongue, so he placed it in his pocket. As he peeked through the window, he saw that the news man had nothing else to say besides the fact that marshmallows are thirty percent hot air and seventy percent nerve gas. As Harry quietly cursed to him self, a rolling pin catches Harry in the side of the face. Harry could feel his teeth rattle inside of his jaw as he falls back into the bed of thorns.

"Get away from my pie, dirt bag!" Aunt Petunia shakes her rolling pin at Harry.

Harry sits up, rubbing his cheek. "Aunt Petunia! It's me, Harry!"

"I know it's you, that's why I hit you!"

Harry gets up on his feet. "And what pie are you talking about?"

Petunia whacks Harry right on top of his head. "You ate it!"

Harry groggily gets up after being knocked down. "I didn't!"

Uncle Vernon walks into the kitchen with blue berries all over his face and pie crust all over his vest. "What the bloody hell is going on in here?"

Petunia turns to her husband. "This bloody dirt bag ate me pie!"

Uncle Vernon licks his fingers. He looks at Harry. "Bloody hell boy, get away from here!"

Harry stands up and begins to walk off. "Fine! I will! I hate you! You'll all die without me!" Harry runs off.

"Good! I don't care!" Uncle Vernon turns to Petunia. "Now who are we going to eat?"

Petunia turns to her oven. "We could always eat the neighbor's kids."

Chapter 2: Showdown with Dudley

Harry ran to the closes and most safest place he could think of, the junkyard. Harry sat down in the front seat of an old rusty truck. He took hold of the wheels and started pressing his foot down on the gas pedals and began to pretend he was driving.

"Take that uncle Vernon!" Harry makes a swerving noise. Then he begins to honk the trucks horn. "What's that aunt Petunia? I ate your pie again? Well, eat this!" He imagines running her down. "You're next Dudley!" Harry stops to realize that Dudley was actually in view. Harry, feeling like being a jack ass, decides to step out and embarrass Dudley while he was with his friends. Harry casual walks up behind Dudley, who was apparently bragging to his friends how he won a fight that day.

"You guys should have seen it!" Dudley rolls up his sleeves. "I had the kid in a head lock and I started slamming away at his head. And the kid was all like 'Oh please mighty Dudley, don't hurt me!' and I just laughed and kept punching his head." Dudley and his friends burst out into laughter.

"I bet you feel all big and bad about beating up a first grader, huh?" Harry said casually. Dudley turns around.

Dudley's face began to turn red. "It wasn't a first grader you dolt."

Harry has a huge smirk on his face. "Oh, my mistake, it must have been a kindergartener."

"Actually it was the science lab's skeleton!" Dudley begins stamping toward Harry but Dudley's friend's hold him back.

"Go ahead guys, let the little piggy go. Let us see how strong the piggy is against someone who isn't dead and can fight back." Harry put his hands up, ready to fight.

Dudley's friends let go of Dudley and Dudley came full force at Harry. Harry, at the last minute realizing that he can't fight, used his amazing Wussy Senses and ducked. Dudley toppled over Harry, rolled down the hill into the junk yard, and was impaled on some rusty syringes, sticking out of a bio hazard bag. Dudley's friends looked at Harry in fear. Harry, just realizing what happened stood back up and looked at Dudley's cohorts.

Harry, clearing his throat. "So um…whose next?"

Dudley's friends look at one another and they all run off.

"YEAH, WHAT NOW BI-ATCHES!" Harry shook his fist at them as they ran. He then looked down the hill at the injured Dudley. Harry began to realize that he was hungry and had no money. So the only way he was going to get food was to return to Vernon's house. His ticket back home was Dudley. If Harry makes up a story of how Harry saved Dudley from a heroin drug dealer, they would take Harry back. So Harry picked up his cousin and began dragging his big arse home. Strangely it grew dark quickly and Harry ended up in an alley with Dudley still knocked out, on Harry's back. Dudley began moving around and stood on his feet.

"Where are we?" Dudley was holding his arm that was stabbed.

"We're almost home." Harry wraps his arms around himself. He then looks at Dudley. "Do you feel cold all of a sudden?"

"Yeah…why?" Dudley noticed that Harry was looking at him. "Stop looking at me!"

Harry wasn't looking at Dudley. Harry was looking at the dementor that was behind Dudley.

"Look behind you pig!" Harry took out his wand.

Dudley turned around. "I don't see anything!"

Harry turned on his wand's flash light.

"Oooo, I see it now." Dudley turned back to Harry. Then suddenly Dudley let out a very girly scream and fell down into a fetus position.

"You swine! Move out of the way!" Harry hopped over Dudley. "I know I shouldn't use this but…" As Harry was about to use his patronus spell, Dudley started kicking and punching wildly. Dudley's leg tripped Harry and Harry's face fell on Dudley's fist. "Son of a bi'atch! Damn you Dudley! Forget this! I'm not helping your sorry arse!" Harry walks off. As Harry walks out of the alley, he hears screams. Then suddenly, silence. As Harry is about to walk around the corner, a can of cat food smacks against the back of Harry's head. Harry falls face first into the pavement. Harry could feel his nose break. He quickly gets up and begins yelling. "WHO THE HELL DID THAT?" Then out of no where, a lady jumps down from the top of one of the buildings.

"Meow! It was me Mr. Potter." The mysterious woman makes swiping motions. The woman appeared to be in a rubber and or plastic suit. With a face mask that only covered down to her nose so her mouth was visible. It was definitely easy to tell that she was an elder woman, somewhere around in her mid 70s and was ghastly over weight. She almost looked like Cat Woman from the Batman comic books. All except for the fact that she looked like Cat Woman who broke into a Cat food store and ate everything in there including the building.

"What the hell do you want?" Harry was feeling the bump on the back of his head.

"You must go back and get rid of that Demontor. Meow!"

"What if I don't?"

"Then I'll pelt you with more cat food cans! Meow!"

Harry begins to run back to Dudley. He still sees the Demontor hovering over Dudley. Harry aimed his wand at the Demontor.

"Expecto Patronum!" The stupid silver stag ran out of his wand and bucked the Demontor, causing it to run away. The silver stag dissipated into the air. Harry runs to Dudley's side. "You alright piggy?" Harry slaps Dudley, thinking he's still asleep. Dudley doesn't move. "Uh oh, I think I was a little to late. Now how am I going to get back into the house?"

Chapter 3: Escape from Dracula's mansion!

Back at the house, UncleVernon and Aunt Petunia are waiting for Dudley.

"Well, we sure are waiting for our son Dudley." Aunt Petunia says as she rolls some dough.

"I bet that son of yours is at school, beating up kids."

Aunt Petunia stops rolling the dough. "He's yours too you know."

"Peesha! I know is he isn't. We don't even look alike!"

"Don't start with me again Vernon!" The two begin to argue. Their argument was broken up when they heard a knocking at the door.

"That must be your son!" Vernon stands up to answer the door.

"Quiet your mouth you fat tub of mayonnaise!"

Uncle Vernon opens the door. "You're late boy."

"Sorry Uncle…I mean dad." Harry walks in.

Before knocking on the door, Harry used another spell that skinned Dudley's skin off of his bones. Then Harry simply wore Dudley's skin like a suit.

Harry rubs his stomach. "Man, I, your son Dudley, sure am hungry."

Uncle Vernon looks at him in disgust. "Then why don't you have your mother make you some food." Vernon opens up a newspaper.

Aunt Petunia looks over at Vernon. "Fine, I'll make my little precious some food."

After having laid Dudley's skin in Dudley's bed, Harry went back to his room. Harry dug his face into his pillow and began to cry.

"Why have my friends forgotten me? Don't they realize that they are nothing without me? Doesn't anyone realize how much more important I am then they are? Don't they know they need to drop everything to attend to my every need?" Harry then turns on his back. As he lays there, he begins to get angry. "I'm the one who won that stupid Quad Wizard tournament! That means I'm better then everyone! I'm also the one that fought Voldemort and survived again!" Harry slams his fist down onto his bed. "I'm the one who killed Cedric Diggory! Don't they realize who they are messing with? I could kill them if I wanted to!" He grits his teeth so hard that his back molars crack. "That's it, my hit list starts tonight!" Harry quickly grabs a pen and paper and starts scribbling down names. "first one, Dolby!" He jots it down. "Second one,Dolby again!" He jots that down. "Third one, that damn goblin at the bank! And the fourth one, Cedric!"

As Harry jots down the last person, his door is kicked down.

"Come with me if you want to live!" Mr. Wesley yells at Harry.

"Mr. Wesley! You're here! Why?" Harry quickly stashes his hit list.

"You're in trouble! The Wizard court demand you to be there! You're in trouble, and Dumbledork is in trouble and yeah." Mr. Wesley scratches his head.

"On what charges?" Harry says as he begins packing his stuff.

"You and Dumbledork are accused of conspiracy with the dark lord and you're also charged with using magic in the muggle world."

"But weren't you just using magic to shoot your way to me?" Harry says as he packs a sock full of rocks.

"That's a different story boy. I can do it because…Look out!" Mr. Wesley points as Harry turns around to see a vampiric Vernon appear at Harry's window. Mr. Wesley fires a couple of green bolts at Vernon. Vernon takes two to the chest and falls down.

"Wait, let me get this straight. You turned them into vampires so you had an excuse to use magic?" Harry brushes off some glass.

"Pretty much. Why?" Mr. Wesley points behind him and fires a bolt at a vampiric Petunia.

"That's very hypercritical of you to not only use magic to turn them into vampires but to also use magic again to defeat them." Harry finally shuts his briefcase.

"Stop your nonsense boy before I beat you with an orange." He grabs Harry by the arm and hops through the top story window, pulling Harry with him. "Come boy, I'm taking you back to my place so we can await your trial date." Mr. Wesley throws Harry into a car. "Up up and away Herbie!" The magical love bug floats up into the air and flies off.

Chapter 4: Wesley's home for poor and untalented people

Harry thinks to himself, "Great, back to this hell hole."

Mrs. Wesley emerges from the front door. "Harry! It's so good to see you!" She runs up to hug Harry. Harry rolls his eyes but gives her a hug. "Did you bring us any of that wonderful gold that you have in your huge savings?"

Harry smiles and nudges his knuckles on Mrs. Wesley's chin. "Nope!" Mrs. Wesley smile disappears and looks at Harry with a bored look and turns to her husband gives him a hug. Then Ron appears from the door and runs up to Harry and quickly punches him in the stomach. Harry coughs and bends over. "What the hell was that for?"

Ron smiles and gives Harry a hug. "Nothing mate, it's just good to see you."

Hermoine emerges from the door and kicks Harry in the face as he was bent over.

"What the hell was that for?!" Harry is on the ground rubbing his head.

"Nothing really, it just seemed fitting for these first couple of chapters for you to feel so much pain. I mean, why don't you think we sent letters or anything to you?" Hermoine smiles as she helps Harry up.

Mr. Wesley comes up behind the children. "Oh, I thought it was mainly because letters couldn't be sent because the dark lord could possibly be looking for you."

"Naw, mainly because we wanted Harry to suffer and because we were lazy." Ron smiles at Harry.

"So…you guys didn't really forget about me?" Harry tries to force a smile.

"No, we did. Especially when Hermoine and I went skiing with her mud-blood family!" Ron smiles over at Hermoine.

"How come you got to go! You're so poor!" Harry clenches his fist.

"Oh, that's easy. Ron stripped his way to the mountains." Hermoine smiles as she remembers Ron shaking his booty in a Trucker's rest stop.

"Do you guys at least remember my birthday?!" Harry yells out.

"Hmm…not really." Hermoine thinks about it. Ron shakes his head.

"You guys are the worst friends in the world! You two should be kissing my ass! I'm the one who won the Quad Wizard Tournament! I'm the one who killed Cedric! I'm the kid with the lightning bolt scar! I'm the one who saw the dark lord! And I'm the only one who can defeat him! And I'm the only one who can do this!" Harry yells at all of them trembling as he quickly runs up to Ron and does that "Got your nose" trick.

"And, are we supposed to care?" Hermoine says as she crosses her arms.

"To be honest mate, we don't." Ron places his hand on Harry's shoulder. "I mean, who cares? Do you even know when your own birthday is?"

Harry is about to punch Ron when he realizes, he's right. "Holy crap, I don't know my own birthday!"

Mrs. Wesley who was standing there the whole time speaks out. "No worries stupid, we'll just celebrate your birthday this week!" Everyone jumps up in glee.

Harry turns to his friends. "We'll you guys ever forgive me for being a pompous, self conceited ass?"

Hermoine and Ron both turn to each other, then to Harry. Both say, "Nope!" with a huge smile and Ron punches Harry in the stomach and Hermoine kicks Harry in the face, knocking him down. The Wesleys and Hermoine walk in, leaving Harry on the floor.

Chapter 5: The House on Haunted Hill

"Before we can celebrate, we need to travel to a special mansion." Mr. Wesley says to Harry as he continues driving Herbie.

Harry, Hermoine, Ron, and Ginny are all cramped in the back.

"This is one of the reasons why I couldn't email you Harry." Ginny shuffles around in her seat trying to get Ron's elbow out of her neck. "We've mainly spent our summer cleaning out this dirty mansion."

"Who does this mansion belong to?" Harry asks as he pulls out Hermione's foot from his mouth.

"Oh, you know the person. But we'll keep it as a surprise." Mrs. Wesley smiles as she looks out the window. "And it looks like we're here!" Everyone spills out of the car. Harry stands up, brushing himself off and looks around.

"I don't see anything?" Harry looks around confused.

"Mate, it's right there, between the 2 light posts." Ron points.

"Oh, I get it! It's magically hidden isn't it? Very clever to hide a magic house in the muggle neighborhood!" Harry smiles at the thought. Everyone looks at Harry like he's stupid and really dumb. Mr. Wesley walks up behind Harry and slaps him in the back of the head.

"No you foolish child. The house is right there, on top of the hill!" Mr. Wesley points up at between the light posts. Lighting flashes through the air, illuminating the area. Harry could see a creepy mansion at the top of the hill.

"My god! We're going up in there? It's like, all of the horror stories combined into one!" Harry looks up in fear and then notices everyone heading towards it. Harry shivers and turns back to get his stuff out of Herbie. When he shuts the trunk, he notices a rusty bloody hook hanging on the door knob. "For the love of the bread people!" Harry runs after everyone. Mean while, a tired old man runs up to Herbie and pulls out the hook.

"I need to get rid of this hook. Every time I hitch hike, it catches on door handles!"

Chapter 5: Welcome to every nightmare imaginable

(For this chapter, those who are familiar with Horror movies will understand it. For those

who are cowards like me, I'll try and make it as entertaining as I can).

The 6 people enter the creepy mansion. As they enter, the door behind them closes automatically with a loud thud. Everyone quickly turns to look at it.

"Welcome!" A creepy voice yells at them.

"AAAHHHhhh!" The group screams as they hop around.

"AHHHhhh!" Screamed the creepy man.

"AAHhhhh!" The group screamed back.

"Gawd! I'll never get used to that!" The creepy man replies.

"What are you talking about Igor?! We'll never get used to that!" Mr. Wesley checks his pulse.

"Especially since we've been coming here almost everyday during summer." Ginny combs her hair back down.

Ron looks over at Harry. "Harry, you alright?"

Harry is trembling horribly.

"Sort of…" Harry tries to stop trembling.

"Don't worry Harry. You'll get used to this place. It's quite fun." Hermoine smiles.

Harry looks around the main hall. The walls are lined with porcelain dolls. All seem to be staring back at Harry. And in the middle wall stood a red headed doll with scars on it's face. Harry then notice a long stair case leading up stairs. As Harry continued to look around, he noticed many doors and hall ways.

Igor turns to Harry. "Ah, Harry Potter. We've been waiting for you." Igor offers a gigantic hand towards Harry. Harry takes it and slowly shakes it. "No worry young potter. We are quite harmless here. Would you like a drink everyone?" Everyone nods. Igor claps his hands. "Linda! Linda Blair! Bring down the drinks!" From the top of the stairs, bones rattling could be heard. Harry begins to tremble again. Then a sudden figure appears, and in quick motion, begins descending the stair case. The sounds of bone's cracking and rattling can be heard as the figure reverse spider walks down the stairs. She quickly walks up to Harry with heavy panting. Her head twists all the way around and looks at Harry. Her face, disfigured, as if possessed by the devil. Harry is trembling so bad that he begins to urinate himself.

"I've been wanting to meet you Mr. Potter." Linda says to Harry. "Here, take a drink." Harry looks on her stomach to notice a tray of tea and biscuits.

Mr. Wesley looks over at Harry. "Boy, don't be rude and take some drinks. And stop being a coward!"

Harry, trembling like a Chihuahua, reaches out for a cup of tea. Shaking so badly, some tea drips down and Linda lashes out her forked tongue and catches the drop with skill. Harry stops trembling.

"That was kinda hott." Harry winks at Linda. Linda winks back. Then her eyes grow large and begins projecting vomit every where. Her head spinning, spewing the vomit everywhere. After 2 minutes Harry wipes off his glasses. "What the hell was that for?"

"I forgot, tea makes me sick. Even a drop makes me vomit." Linda says and quickly reverse spider walks up the stairs.

"Sigh…I guess this mess needs to be cleaned up." Igor claps his hands. Harry then notices that all of the dolls on the walls begin to tremble. Then, a doll behind him, suddenly reaches up with its' arms out stretched, making clawing motions at Harry, moaning and some even screaming. Then for no apparent reason, the red headed doll quickly looks up with an angry yell. Then all of the dolls begin to yell out loud. Harry begins to tremble and cry.

Mr. Wesley comes up to Harry and slaps him in the back of the head. "What have I told you boy? Stop being rude and stop being a coward!"

Harry is crying and tries to speak.

"Wha…wha…what are..are.. they sca..screaming aboot?" Harry is trying to stop crying in fear.

The red doll pushes off of the wall and lands right infront of Harry. The red headed doll sounds like a grown man. "What the hell do you think boy?!" He picks Harry's head up. "Look at his mess! I hate it when Linda does this!" The doll reaches behind his back and grabs a handle. Harry covers his face in fear of being stabbed. The doll whips out a pointer and turns to all of the other dolls. "Alright ladies, One, Two, Three and One, Two, Three!" The red headed doll starts conducting them to clean. The dolls are grudgingly getting off of the wall to get towels and mops to clean up.

"I would like you to meet Charles." Igor points to the red headed doll. "He used to be a janitor at Hogwarts but met a grimsly demise after forgetting to flush the toilet in the teacher's lounge. And before he died, he managed to perform a voodoo spell transferring his soul into this stupid doll." Charles flicks off Igor and continues with the chores.

"Harry, we're gonna leave you here to defend on your own. We will all be over at my house, that way, it isn't suspicious that were not there." Mr. Wesley turns towards the door.

"You can't leave me here!" Harry panicks.

"We can, we will, and we have!" Mr. Wesley quickly shuts the door behind him and the group.

Harry quickly runs to the door trying to open it. He quickly turns his head to the creatures inside. Red glowing eyes are staring back at him. One of the dolls quickly look at Harry while Charles looks at Harry with an evil, blood thirsty grin. Linda winks at Harry. Then, Harry hears a familiar voice.

"You must be tired boy. Let me show you to your room."

Chapter 6: Sirius and the Black Mansion

Harry turns to the voice. "Sirius!" Harry runs up to Sirius and gives him a hug.

"There there boy. Don't tell me you're scared!" Sirius hugs Harry back.

"How can I not be?! Tell me someone who wouldn't be afraid of all of this?!"

"Um…you're mom?" Sirius says with a smile. "Burn! Any ways, I'll have my servant show you up to your room. Kreacher?!" Sirius begins looking around the hall. "Kreacher? Where the bloody hell are you, you worthless house elf."

Then out of no where, a loud whiny crying noise could be heard. As Harry looks around for the source, he hears the crying getting closer, and a dragging noise following after it. Finally, Harry turns to see a house elf, similar to that damn Dolby, come closer. This elf seemed to be a darker green, with hair sticking out of his ears. And behind him, Kreacher, dragged what appear to be a sock.

"There you are you useless bag of spoiled fruit!" Sirius raises his hand to strike Kreacher down by Igor grabs his hand.

"Sir, remember what the young girl with the funny eyebrows have told you. You need to treat these useless creatures with respect too." Igor is about pat Kreacher when all of a sudden Kreacher hisses at Igor. "Why you little ungrateful…" Igor is about to backhand Kreacher when Sirius stops him.

"Now now Igor. We must be nice to him." Sirius looks down at Kreacher and sees Kreacher crying into the sock. "Especially this is fool whose undying love for my dead mother keeps his ill begotten body moving. Kreacher!" The house elf looks up. "Take young Harry Potter to his room."

"Kreacher, who is I and who speaks in third person, will obey the tainted Black's commands and lead the doom fated Potter to his horrible room." Kreacher does a quick bow, wipes his nose on his sock, and walks Harry to his room.

As Harry follows Kreacher to his room, Harry notices that he still has the sock. "So, Kreacher. What's up with the sock? Doesn't that mean you're free?"

"No foolish one. This sock once belonged to Madame Black. She was a true woman, someone true of taking commands from. The one you call Sirius doesn't deserve the Black name." Kreacher comes to a stop and points to a door. "This is your room. Enjoy your stay. Idiot." Kreacher walks off, crying.

"What an Emo little house elf. Why couldn't we have an house elf like at Hogwarts." Harry thinks back to Hogwarts where the house elf, Lego-las who looked very similar to the Legolas from Lord of the Rings. Only difference, he came up to your ankles.

Harry opens the door to his room. Inside, it was dark and musty. The only things in the room was one window, a huge dusty bed, and a closet. For some reason, the drapes on the window just happened to be a transparent white and were also blowing in the wind. Worst part, the window wasn't even opened. Harry walked up to his closet to put his stuff in. As he opened up his closet, he heard a crackling moan. As he looked up he saw an opening on the ceiling of his closet. He decided to look up there to see where the moaning was coming from. As he popped his head up, he couldn't see a darn thing. So he took out his wand and turned on the light. As soon as he did, he came face to face with a white faced chick. She stared back at him and made the moan. Harry fell back in pure terror, trembling and crying. The girl began to slowly descend down from the attic opening, moaning. Harry put his hands up to protect his face as he noticed that her hair was descending towards him. Then he realized that the hair was wrapping itself around his suit case. The girl spoke to him.

"Hello there Mr. Potter. I am Senji, the mansion's closet and attic maid. Let me take your stuff for you." She ascends back into the closet and up into the attic and the closet doors slide close.

After taking a long shower to get rid of that urine smell, Harry dressed and began brushing his teeth. Then all of a sudden, the lights turned off in the wash room. A creepy green glow emited from the mirror he stood in front of. Then an image of a woman appeared. Smiling to Harry. Then a look of pain struck her face as she grabbed her neck and blood began to spurt. Harry fell back in terror. Then the girl looked at Harry.

"Sorry about that Harry. I guess the band aid couldn't hold." The girl said with a bloody smile.

"You're…you are not going to kill me?" Harry trembled.

"What? Of course not! Oh, where are my manners. My named is Mary. Some call me Bloody Mary. I'm the mansion's bathroom maid."

Harry quickly runs into his room and heads for his bed. Before he walks up to it, he looks under his bed. There's nothing under it but bunnies. Not dust bunnies, but real bunnies. He then looks at his bed, and pulls the sheet off real quick. Again, nothing but white sheets. He checks under the mattress, making sure there's no portal to the labyrinth world. Satisfied that it was safe, Harry slides into his bed. He rests his head on his pillow and slowly closes his eyes. Harry falls into a deep sleep like one he has never had in a long time.

What? You were expecting a monster under his bed or something? Geeze, give the boy a break!

Chapter 7: Early morning break to feast.


End file.
